SPEAKER - SUNDAY 25 aUGUST 2024
Presented by Jennifer Deaton
“Thank you, Val, Maureen, MSC Committee and Members, for inviting me back to talk about Death Doula-ship. It is such an Honour.
“Life and death have been in love for longer than we have words to describe. Life sends countless gifts to death and death keeps them forever.”
Good afternoon, everyone, my name is Jennifer Deaton. I am the owner of ‘Hand to Heart Healing,’ and I am a Death Doula. I am passionate about providing families a softer landing into death /dying and grief. My goal is to assist my clients to die well, whether in their home, a care facility or in a hospital.
The most important part of my work is making sure my clients ‘end of life plans’ are followed. I can provide respite to the primary care giver, liaise with palliative care staff, funeral homes, and family. I fill in the support gaps as they arise. Death Doula-ship promotes informed consent for clients and is intended to serve rather than fix.
My aim is to get information out into our community about the options and care that are available, so that, through empowerment and education, the fear and stigma of death and dying may be removed. Giving back control to the dying person who may feel like all control has been taken from them upon the life limiting diagnosis is so important. The support I can give is non-medical, non-judgmental, emotional and spiritual. I can add fresh eyes to the situation and perhaps improve the dynamic of the household.
Part of my role is to bring practical advice and organizational skills, and this leads to questions such as: -
Do you have an updated Will?
Do you have an Advanced Care Directive in place?
Have you planned your legal and medical choices?
Who is going to notify all your services; family/banks/superannuation/Vic roads/utility companies etc. of your death?
In Australia, we do have a Death Notification Service (see information below) which links government or non-government agencies, so your family won’t have to visit multiple branches with the death certificate after your passing.
Other questions arise: -
Who will care for your pets during your illness and after you have passed?
How do you want to be treated during your illness and dying process?
Have you planned your funeral?
Is all this information together and easily available?
Have you told family and friends where to find it?
Who will be responsible for your media footprint?
Ther next part of my role is to the hold space for the person who has transitioned. This includes a beautiful ceremony where I wash the persons hands and feet, and here family and friends may participate in this gentle farewell if they feel comfortable to do so.
There is no rushing now.
We are surrounded by a warm love
that fills the room whilst we sit in hearts centre.
This care and guidance gives the family time to sit with their grief. I can safely and lovingly care for your loved one in their home for as long as needed (normally 3 to 13 loved depending on cultural and religious needs), and I can also provide aftercare for the family.
We tend to have our head in the sand about death and dying. Which reminds me of a quote I read some time ago, in a book titled, ‘Without Feathers’ by Woody Allan.
“It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
So, we don’t plan do we? It is human nature to avoid thinking and planning about dying, but this is where a Death Doula can step up and share the load.
So, my theme for today’s platform talk is. “Love.”
This leads to the most asked questions I encounter,
Do we die alone?
Is there proof of love after death?
As Death Doula, a Medium and a Reiki Master, I will share some personal experiences of love from spirit and about our deceased family members waiting to walk us home.
A Mothers Love
Kenny was a lovely gentleman with advanced prostate cancer., He reached out to me for assistance with pain management via Reiki to help ease him into his death. I was blessed to have worked with him for three months. On one of our first treatment sessions, I got Kenny all settled and, almost right away, his deceased mother appeared to me. This was one of the most beautiful and surprising experience of my working career. She was dressed in her finest celebration clothing, her traditional African dress and a head wrap, and the colours were so bright. She was busy preparing a feast, a celebration if you will. The smile on her face, the love pouring out of her and the excitement, oh the excitement! That energy filled the room completely. I was a little perplexed and asked her why? She shook her head and laughed at me. “Silly girl. Can’t you see my son is coming home.” I understood and my heart filled with love.
A Brothers Love
Jason is a young man in his early 20s. He reached out for mediumship support. He was such a lost and deeply saddened soul, and as he got settled into the chair, his best mate Ryn popped through, a laughing, bright larrigan, a real Aussie bloke, also in his 20s. Ryn could hardly contain his amazement that I could talk to him, that I could see him. Through his laughter he explained he NEVER EVER believed in psychics or mediums. He thought it was all a load…insert explicit language here. I looked at him and said, ‘Well, here we are Ryn’ as we both laughed. Ryn’s one thing was that he wanted his brother Jason to know remember, “Please don’t forget to set a plate for me at big family events and pour a beer for me at the BBQ.” As I relayed this to Jason, tears fill his eyes, as he tells me his wedding is coming up and he had already allocated a plate for his brother. I explained to Jason his brother is still here with him, loving him. Jason left a different man, off to pour a beer for his brother.
A Husbands Love
Norma, a deeply religious women in her 87th year. I was hired as a Death Doula to give her some comfort and conversation as her body slowly gave way to age. I noticed on one of visits, as she happily talked of her life and her deep faith, an older gentleman standing quietly in the corner of the room, such a charming and sweet spirit. He didn’t move forward for days to engage in conversation with me. I understood he wasn’t there for me, he was there for his wife, Norma. I did in fact notice the weeks before Norma’s passing, she would say her husband’s name and look in that exact corner as she peacefully drifted off to sleep. This love story is so beautiful. He was waiting by her side for weeks beforehand, waiting to walk his wife home.
A Father's Love
This is my actually story. Now you would think me as a Medium I would have unlimited contact with my dad, but he passed when I was 5 months old, so my longing for him is consuming to say the least. There is an emptiness in my heart that I fear will never heal. I have only ever seen my dad twice in spirit and some will wonder how is this so? Well, I know he is around me; I feel him. But why can’t I see him like I freely see everyone else I work with? I have learnt with the years of experience it’s all to do with vibration. My vibration. I think that my overzealous desire lowers my vibration to see and communicate freely with him. Has this stopped him in showing me love? No, it hasn’t. I felt his love as I sat my motorbike test. I felt his laughter next to me as I frustratedly tried to assemble Ikea furniture. I felt his warm hug after my first heartbreak. I know my dad loves me and guides me in every aspect of my life.
A great resource on these matters is Dolores Cannon. (YouTube – Life After Death). See short introduction below.
“Just before I go
let’s all take in a big breath.
Close your eyes.
Breathe deep into your heart space.
Breathe out warm, sweet love.
Know they are around you filled with love.
Thank you for listening - blessings to you all.
Please Note: Checked out Jennifer's Website it is very easy to access.
***deathnotification.gov.au
Before you get started.
Your state or territory Registry of Births, Deaths & Marriages must have registered the person’s death before this service can be used.
To use this service, you need to provide the details of the person who died, including their:
- name
- date of death
- state or territory where they died
- last known residential address
It also helps if you know the account and membership numbers of the person who has passed away. If you do not have these, you can still send a notification to relevant organisations.
Some information about Dolores Cannon.
*** Dolores Cannon, (1931 - 2014), was a past-life regressionist and hypnotherapist who specialized in past-life therapy and the recovery and cataloguing of “Lost Knowledge”.
During the 1960’s, Dolores and her husband, Johnny were using simple hypnosis to overcome habits (stop smoking, lose weight, etc.) when she and her husband were first introduced to reincarnation patients by one of the doctors at the naval base in Texas where Johnny was stationed. The doctor asked if they could use hypnosis to help one of his patients a woman who suffered from Nervous Eating disorder. She was extremely obese, had high blood pressure and kidney problems. The doctor thought it would be extremely beneficial if hypnosis could be used to help the woman simply relax.
Midway through the session, the woman unexpectedly began describing scenes from a past life where she was a flapper, living in Chicago in the roaring 1920s. Dolores and Johnny watched as the woman literally transformed into a different personality with different vocal patterns and body mannerisms. Despite being highly strange and completely inexplicable, they decided to go with the flow of the session and see what they could find out by exploring. Over the next several months, Dolores and Johnny regressed the woman through five different and distinct lifetimes back to when she was created by God. The entire story of this event is told in the first book Dolores ever wrote, ‘Five Lives Remembered’ published in 2009.
